Monday night the 8th I had a relapse. I thought I finally had the relationship with weed, alcohol, and nicotine that seems like everyone has with them. Unfortunately the only way I could describe the real relationship was a stab in the back. I ended up in the hospital making it the third time in the past 3-4 years of fighting the addiction. Because of that I’ve been clean for a week and 2 days now. I can’t believe it took me this long to put down everything and say no. I think no is the hardest thing to do especially when all I want to do is not feel. Although a week of sobriety and therapy has showed me I do want to feel. I don’t know, I’m only a week and almost a half in so feelings could change but I’m gonna keep trying. Even after the long days when I feel defeated.