I would tell myself to take it more seriously the first time and try to focus on it harder. I spent so much of my life not remembering half of it because of the self sabotage i didn't even know i was doing. to feel again, actually feel is genuinely daunting but so important and helpful with progress. it always feels isolating and that hasn't been easier yet but it feels less bad and pointed at everyone. you can be with yourself more in a much safer environment mentally.