had a weird occurrence td. i had to go to a store in my hometown (yuck) that i haven’t been to inna while since i don’t live there anymore. was nervous abt running into anyone ik which i luckily didn’t! ….but then i realized i was almost on E. had to stop at a gas station tht we’ll say doesn’t have great vibes. had to go in to pay n, yup-worst case scenario, 1 of my old dealers was the only person there (other than the regular keno guy, who’s p chill). obvi not a great experience, or convo considering he almost immediately asked me if i was “tryna pick up”, which i wasn’t. but man was it fucking weird looking tht guy in the face, esp handing him cash. not only was he my dealer but he sold me some shit tht was laced n did some fucked up shit to me tht i only realized when i came to, as it was happening. as tempting as it is to take anyone up on tht offer, n as much as i would’ve rather walked out, or even punch his fucking teeth in- i stood strong, paid for my gas, n left. as the bits of memories from tht night came back my body went into panic (understandably). i wanted to numb n block it all out, but i didn’t take anything i shouldn’t have. bcuz i knew i had to drive/GTFO, once i got home i started spiraling. i tried grounding myself n put ice packs all over my skin, but my mind was completely taking everything over. i did eventually take a prn after i tried coping on my own / waiting it out. i took it appropriately to take the edge off so i could think clear enough to do what i had to to help sooth myself. but seeing him, handing over money, then taking a pill (even tho i tried other every skill 1st) to calm down, all felt so so wrong. ik if i didnt i would’ve done something pretty fucked to myself but i also know i did what i was supposed to. it just felt connected to how i used to be inna way, if tht makes sense. tryna be lenient w myself but again, it just felt so so wrong, in every way