the daily prompt, “where do u go when u need to feel safe” rlly got to me, esp w an upcoming trip. i’m gonna see my sibs soon, there’s 5 of us - a lot of diff personalities w a lot of (diff) energy. dont get me wrong, i love em all dearly, but it’s gonna be mentally draining. we’re goin to be somewhere far away w my dad for over a week, n honestly he’s a manipulative POS n has always been HORRIBLE to me. it’s been somewht behind closed doors (growing up / esp during a bs 5yr divorce where i was 1 of 2 kids still living in tht toxic house). my siblings don’t seem to conceptualize tht impact still has on me / see his masking - other than my oldest sis whos gone thro a similar, abusive, experience. she n her bf will be renting a place nearby tht she said im welcome to if i need space (v cool of her). i feel bad bcuz i wanna see em all, except for my dad who i still do NOT trust OR feel safe around. im trying to keep a positive mindset, but also a realistic one. tbh i don’t wanna go AT ALL - ill be makin a lot of sacrifices at my own expense, but i alr committed n it’s the only time all of my sibs will be in 1 place. additionally, i still struggle w urges around using. w intense situations / feelings i try my best to cope in ways other than takin a PRN, i don’t want tht to be my go to or associate it w cravings, but ill be packin them. i dont wanna be in a place where im constantly taking em, which i dont rn, but im usually in a safer space to process / cope n ik everything’s gonna be fast pace w ppl everywhere. on top of allll this, ik they’re going to be asking / up my ass abt my eating, which is bad enough as is. i don’t feel safe being vulnerable w them abt it, i never open up to my fam abt my struggles (esp w this bcuz they often comment on how i look). i won’t be able to feel like or even BE myself for 8 days. idk if im j ranting but id rlly appreciate anyone’s thoughts or rec. 😞😞