89 Days. Barely survived this weekend - there was so many triggers. Presence of Alcohol in a social setting felt too intense. I had a highly emotional experience recently. From just reading a book. Experience that was unexpected and transformative. And, yes. Lots of good read doesn’t support my sleep. Lack of it only increased emotional sensitivity. I don’t remember what it’s even like - to sleep deep, long and undisturbed, dreamless, stress-free. Layered onto newly awakened mental clarity, fragile sobriety, long term control/supressing and numbing emotions from drinking/using it as a survival mechanism and a shield… I read a book that exploded my brain. It was so beautiful, but I am scared of wearing myself out. I’m so alive and feel SO MUCH… Definitely overly sensitive, my nervous system still growing new skin - still soft and pink, too thin, almost transparent, unprotected. I’m still figuring out, how to convert new energy into creativity without loosing or burning myself. I think I’m going crazy - everything is so raw in my life in a new light - but making changes will take an eternity. And accept my own mistakes of a long-time drinking without falling into new addiction… how is it even possible? How do I hang on to staying sober, how do I stay sane in the world of insanity?